Be Ready for the Truth
When you learn to speak your truth, be aware that others will begin to speak their truth as well. So, get ready.
“ “The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you.”-David Foster Wallace“
This week was a challenging one. My 16 year old son told me some of his truth. And it kinda broke my heart. I know that he was speaking his truth at the time and it took me a minute to listen to what he was saying, without trying to explain myself. He told me that I never listen and talk through him. Ouch.
He told me that because he has two siblings with disabilities he has had to grow up really fast. He said this with so much anger and sadness, and it is true. I do spend a lot of my time trying to help his brother and sister.
I have always seen him as the strong one, the one who does not have a mental disability, and I have so many hopes for him. He gets to do things that the others will never get to do, like drive a car, have big groups of friends, go to dances, and enjoy being a teenager.
But I can see that sometimes having to deal with all of the challenging things that come with having siblings with disabilities can be really draining and he has felt like an “extra”.
After growing up with not feeling loved or wanted, I have always tried to make sure my kids know that they are loved and a vital part of our family. I failed.
Whenever we have family vacations, we have to consider the whole family, and that includes disabilites.
My daughter got to experience the ocean with some moderatetly rough waves and lots of rough sand. She had so much fun, until the sand was everywhere and she had rashes under her arms from the sand and water hitting her so many times. She now hates the ocean. Which was not great for the rest of the family who loves the water.
We had to make adjustments and my husband and I took turns taking her to the shops up above the beach. The boys played in the water and had an awesome time, but it would have been better if the whole family was there.
We always have to make adjustments like this because when you have disabilities, it is what it is. Although we try to make sure Noah has fun and enjoys his time, we can not always do what he wants. And as you know, our best laid plans and intentions don’t always happen. He told me that he quit mountain biking because we could never go. Ethen can not ride a bike, and Bellah struggles. Which means that mountain biking is very challenging when he is the only one who can rock it- I tried: but fear and lack of balance and coordination made me not so good at it. Which still put him alone doing what he loves.
After he was done telling me his truth, he was angry and exhausted. And I was hurt and exhausted. Sigh.
Truth: Everyone is doing the best that they can.
I think every parent will one day hear the words that they ruined their kids’ lives. I know I blamed my mom and step-dad for alot. I held onto a lot of anger and frustration. And blamed them for not giving me the love that I needed.
But, the older we get, the more we understand that everyone is just doing the best they can.
I forgave my mom and step-dad for the things that they could not give me. I recognize that they did the best that they could and forgave them.
I hope someday my son will also see this truth and know that he is loved, and that I did the best that I could. However many times I failed. And I hope that he forgives me too.
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